


Welcome To Riverside

by TheDarkestFallingStar



Category: Star Trek: 2009, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Both Spock and Kirk are Oblivious, Frank's an asshole, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slight binding between Spock and Kirk, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 18:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2631644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestFallingStar/pseuds/TheDarkestFallingStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few months after Kahn, the crew is taking a break before their 5 year mission to let Kirk heal. A trip home with Spock in tow will sure be interesting. Pre-Slash</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

** **

**FAGE 007  
Title: Welcome To Riverside  
Written for: Grace French/ Bubski McBoo  
Written By: TheDarkestFallingStar  
Rating: M**  
 **Summary:** A few months after Kahn, the crew is taking a break before their 5 year mission to let Kirk heal. A trip home with Spock in tow will sure be interesting. Pre-Slash

 **Prompt used:**  His words flew from his mouth in a jumble, but his meaning was clear.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek wise, also some key elements have been inspired by the very talented T'Pinto, just to put that acknowledgment out there.**

**If you would like to see all the stories that are a part of this exchange visit the facebook group: Fanficaholics Anon: Where Obsession Never Sleeps, or add the C2 to get all the stories direct to your inbox.**

**www . fanfiction community /FAGE-007/93625/**

**Author Note: I hope everyone enjoys this, my first fic in the fandom! I also want to thank Tammy my awesome Beta for betaing this for me!**

* * *

**Spock POV**

The sound of a yelp caused my pace to quicken, slight panic flaring in my chest as I realized the sound came from the Captain's – _Jim's –_ room. It eased the very second later when the familiar grumblings of Doctor McCoy filled the room.

"Don't be a baby, you big baby." He grumbled out followed by the sound of something being placed on a table.

The door swished open, the sound grating on my ears to reveal Jim rubbing his neck with a glare and McCoy rolling his eyes as he puts away a hypo spray.

"Spock! Finally, maybe you can help me convince Bones here!" Jim explains, his face lighting up with a smile. I couldn't help but raise my brows in question; it wasn't unusual for the Captain to ask me of such things, especially if it involved his escape from sick bay.

"Oh no Jim, don't you get that green eared hobgoblin to convince me of anything. You are staying, I am staying and that's final!" McCoy yells, his face turning a shade of red, indicating that this argument has been going on since I had left this morning.

"May I inquire what the problem is?" I ask, slightly curious.

McCoy let out a deep sigh before turning to me, "I got contacted by my ex-wife stating I need to take my daughter for this offshore leave or I won't see her again till after the five year mission. But I cannot leave, no one else knows Jim's allergies and the correct medicine to administer." He sighs out tiredly.

"And I assume he wishes to leave the hospital and is telling you to go to your daughter, as well as saying something along the lines of he is 'fit as a fiddle." I state, echoing the very words he has told me for the past few weeks.

"Did he just quote you? He just quoted you!" McCoy gaped out causing the captain to smirk, his eyes sparkling with entertainment.

"That he did, well what do ya know Spock, seems I am rubbing off on you! And to answer your question, yes that's exactly what but Mom wants me to come home as well and Iowa is a long way from Georgia."  _Jim_  explains, his eyes wide and pleading at me to help him in some way.

"I happen to agree with the Captain – _Jim –_ Doctor McCoy, you should go spend time with your daughter. I will gladly stay with the Captain – _Jim –_ and accompany him to his home. I am well aware of his allergies and I know the correct dosage and times to administer them." I state, fixing my mistake on calling Jim the Captain with every glare he gave me.

"Great! You can go spend time with your daughter, tell her Uncle Jimmy says hello and Spock can come home with me and make sure I recover like a good little boy!" Jim states happily before wincing as he tries to sit up, only to flop back down at Doctor McCoy's glare and restraining hand on his shoulder.

"Fine. But one problem, even a slight cough and I am teleporting my way from Georgia to here. Do you hear me Hobgoblin, one cough or sneeze you call me right away." I bow my head in understanding at his rant; I had come to learn that his frank words and teasing names were that of friendship and no matter what he would come, as he took his job as Chief Medical Officer seriously.

"I understand Doctor, if you would be so kind, would you gather the medicine I would need while I report to the Captain about the ship?" I ask, a slight lie but still truthful. He cast me a look before exiting the room, mumbling curses under his breath.

"Wow Spock, thanks for that but you don't have to come home with me, it'll be cold and I am unsure if you'll find my country home entertaining." Jim states as he begins to try and sit up once more. My body reacted instantly, my hands helping him up, my fingers brushing slightly across his bare skin. It took all my learning and composure to not flinch back from the pain Jim was experiencing.

"Don't… Don't tell Bones, please. He doesn't get to see Joanna often and if he knew I was in pain he wouldn't go and see her…. Now, tell me about our ship, how is my baby? Are they treating her well?" Jim explains as the sound of footsteps reached the door.

"The damage to the engine bay and the outer of the ship has nearly been repaired, Mister Scott told me to inform you that the warp core has been fixed and there will be no reason for you not to get back in there…" I trail off, blinking several times to erase the scene before me, the very scene that has been haunting me for months and no matter how much I meditate or focus on something else there was nothing to stop the image of Jim perishing before me.

"Is he okay?"  _Jim…_  I blink once, my vision swarming back into view to see a tricorder in my vision and Jim's worried face behind it.

"What happened there Spock? You just spaced out during report, which is very unlike you." Jim asks, his eyes brimming with concern that I could feel crawling over my skin like a blanket.

"I am adequate, I do apologize…it seems I grew lost in thought." The words were strange on my tongue, the phrasing even surprising the good doctor and Jim.

Jim frowned ever so slightly before nodding, accepting my half-lie.

McCoy stared at me for a few more seconds before shaking his head and laying out the medication in his hands before him. "I know you already said you know but I want to go over them with you again, just to calm my mind."

With a nod, I make my way to his side, letting him go over the medications and times to which I already know. All the while I couldn't shake the echo of pain and the flashes of Jim behind the warp core door.

* * *

**Author Note: Okay, *Builds fort and activates shields* don't kill me, I know Spock may seem OOC to some of you and believe me to a non-trekkie I know but I wanted him to seem… more human, letting what happened between he and Kirk in engineering bring out the emotions his Vulcan side had been forcing down.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Jim POV**

Two days, two days it took Spock and I to convince Bones to leave, two very long days and a phone call to little Jo. That girl is an angel and I owe her a signed copy image and a bag of sweets for her helping me get her stubborn ol' dad to Georgia.

" _Bones!_ Go, just go, I am fine, I'm in a wheelchair for god's sake and Spock is here. There is little to no harm that will come to me, I am sure no man or woman would dare come near me with him by my side." I sigh out, jerking my head to the ever rigid Vulcan behind me.

It worried me actually, and I could see that it worried Bones as well, from what I had gathered from every one of my crew who came for a visit is that Spock had never left my side since capturing Kahn, only when he was requested to give his statement report and to overlook the repairs. He very rarely left when I was still in a coma, even so much as meditating in the corner of the room.

"Okay, I'm going and don't think for one second I don't know about you and that hobgoblin bribing my daughter to help you get me out there earlier than expected." He grumbles while patting my shoulder as he stepped to my side.

I look up at him wide eyed, a smile on my face. "Why Bones! I don't know what you are talking about. Do you, Mister Spock?" I ask, turning my head to see his face. I could have sworn I saw his lip twitch.

"I do not know what you speak of Doctor McCoy; I have been busy getting my belongings together and seeing over the science…" He began, causing Bones to cut in with horror.

"Okay, okay… I'll let it go. But Jim, I know you; if you hurt yourself, I will be back before you can say 'Warp It'." He threatened, waving a hypospray in my face.

"Why are you even carrying that?" I ask before I felt the all too familiar sting in my neck. "Dammit! You know I hate when you do that!" I yelp, rubbing my neck instantly, causing him to smirk and wave goodbye before disappearing into the crowd.

I waited a few more seconds before looking up at Spock, "Is he gone?"

His lip twitched before it went back into its straight line and he looked down at me with his usual composed stare. "If you are suggesting getting up and walking then yes, but no you cannot until we are at our destination. I have spotted Chekov and Sulu several times; I am glad that they are our Lieutenant Commanders and not a part of the security team."

I couldn't help but laugh as we moved our way to our section for the transports to Riverside. "Did you just joke? I can't believe it! You made a joke, I'm proud of you Spock."

There was no reply, only his rigid composure he always held within public and around the crew. I had begun to hope he would relax someday in public but I understood it took too much to do, to break years' worth of teachings in such a short amount of time but his making a joke just then proves that it could happen someday. A flash of red caught my eye and I couldn't help but sigh as I saw Chekov's curls peeking out from the fake trees near a door and I couldn't help but agree with Spock.

They would so be fired for being this obvious.

With another sigh I pull out the communicator that was hidden in my coat before calling Scotty. "Kirk to Scotty, Kirk to Scotty, are you there Mister Scott?"

"Aye Captain, is thare somethin' I kin dae fur ye?" His voice echoes across the line causing me to sag in relief.

"Yes you can, Mister Scott, I need you to get to the Transporter and lock in on my and Mister Spock's signal and beam us to the ship. I gathered you had fixed that first, I want to have a look at my Girl before getting you to beam us to Riverside." I state causing Scotty to laugh.

"Aye Captain. Ah tak'it the guid doctor haes left awready tae see his wee lassie?" He asks causing me to chuckle and shake my head.

"That is right Mister Scott, but he left some spies to watch me and Spock. So hurry and beam us up to the Enterprise before they decided to come any closer." I laugh out.

"Aye, Aye, Captain." He responded, still laughing. It took a total of two minutes before the familiar gold swirls began to swirl around myself and Spock. Spock, who was very much looking down at me with his raised brows in his usual way of showing he disapproved.

I let out a sigh of relief as the familiar cool air of my ship caressed my skin before hopping out of the damn chair and stretching. "Oh, that feels good, that damn chair is stiffer than a board." I grunt out as my back pops.

"Guid tae see ye up 'n' aboot Captain." Scotty greets as I pull him into a man hug before shaking my head, no matter what he and I have been through and all we have shared together he still won't call me Jim.

"As am I Mister Scott, but we have I say about an hour tops before Spock over there decides to call Bones and tell him I'm not home resting. That or he will insist I be back in that god awful chair. So show me what you can in an hour before I leave for hell." I state, thinking about home. I loved seeing my mother, especially since we had patched things together over the years since I joined Starfleet, but it was Frank whom I hated. Frank who was still pulling the wool over my mother's eyes, no matter what I or Sam told her about what he did to us growing up.

Looking over my shoulder I cast Spock a concerned look, I was unsure of him coming now. I was excited at first, able to get my mom to meet him but now… I'd forgotten all about Frank; there was a fifty-fifty chance we would come to blows or better yet, he'd insult Spock and I'd hit him.

_Why am I worried? Spock can handle himself…_

_It isn't Spock I'm worried about; it's my actions that would happen if Frank so much as cast a dirty look towards my Second Officer…_

"Captain, I am certain that we should reach your home soon before McCoy calls like he scheduled with you this morning." Blinking, I realized I was in the engineering bay, nowhere near where we started or where I… I could faintly remember speaking, listening to Scotty but I'll have to look back over it all later to see what I missed. Oh sometimes it was good to be able to categorize my brain.

"Okay, thanks Scotty, give me updates every few days okay? Make sure none of those hired hands butcher my ship." I mutter as we make our way back to the transporter room.

"Aye Captain, I will mak' sure, otherwise they'll be answering tae me afore ye." Scotty chuckles as we step up onto the transporter pad, after clearing it of the chair of course.

"Beam us down Scotty." I chuckle out causing him to give me a salute as the swirling lights began.

As soon as the familiar Riverside land reached my eyes, my hand shot out and grasped Spock's to steady myself, waiting for the sense of vertigo to pass. It didn't happen a lot, only when I transported so frequently in such a short time and half the time I was able to block out the sensations as, usually when that happened I was either A) in danger or B) needed to play peace keeper and had no time to appear weak.

"Are you alright, Captain?" Spock asks, his arm stiff under my palm causing me to yank it back quickly, almost tumbling over in the process, his hands catching mine as I fell backwards. He steadied me quickly before letting me go and placing his hands behind his back, ears tinged green.

"Uh, yes, sorry Spock. I get a little bit of vertigo with frequent beaming, anyway Mom said she got the car dropped off here by a friend and I can drive us back." I state, now realizing that the bags were by his side.

"No need to apologize, but I suggest we make our way towards your mother's residence." He states, his voice back to the firm tone.

Sighing, I nod in agreement before gesturing to the expanse of harvested land before me. "Welcome to Riverside."

* * *

**Author Note: *cracks knuckles* time to get this show on the road?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Kirk POV**

The car was still the same as the last time I saw it, in fairly good working condition with little bits of rust spots here and there. But it was Mom's car, she loved it and that's what mattered.

I could see Spock was uncomfortable being in it, as it was a traditional car and not a hover car. She and I were always alike in that sense, when we were on Earth or, well, when she was on Earth she liked to drive a car that touched the ground and I, ever since…

"Stop worrying, Spock." I state, casting him a quick smile. "You can relax now." I state, causing him to frown.

"I cannot help but worry, Captain, as you are clearly going over the speed limit at a rate of 10.3 miles per hour. I am just prepared in case you happen to lose control in any way and will you please look back at the road." He states, causing me to sigh and look out toward the road while slowing down.

"Live a little, Spock; we have what, two weeks here before I'm off medical leave, maybe three weeks till the ship is repaired to full capacity or to Scotty's expectations and standards. While we're here will you loosen up a little, well, not in front of  _Frank,_  but me and Mom?" I ask, spitting out Frank's name, causing him to sigh ever so softly and look out the window.

"I know what you expect of me, Jim, but I cannot promise you will get what you want. It goes against every teaching I have had, my nature. Now explain to me who this…Frank… is and why the disgust?" Spock defers, causing me to scowl slightly.

Tell him or not tell him? Well, I guess I would have to tell him due to the fact that he would have to live with us for two weeks, well he could leave when he wishes if he were to desire to, but a gut feeling told me he wouldn't.

"Frank is my mom's husband, her second husband. Growing up he wasn't so… He'd beat us, Sam and I, and be a saint when Mom was home. He treated us like slaves, he is also the reason why Sam left and I drove my father's car off a cliff. We still come to blows now and then but… Spock, he may be a xenophobe, he'll just… you'll see." I state, watching him as he stiffens from the corner of my eye.

"Do not worry for me, but if he so much as lays a finger on you Captain,  _Jim,_ I will make sure he will not be able to do so again." He manages to get out stiffly but something told me there was a rage deep within, something niggled at me.

_"What happened to Kahn? What happened after… after I...?" I rasp out once Ny and Bones were the only ones left. Suspicion creeped in as they shared a look, a look I knew all too well; they were reluctant to tell me something._

_"When you died, Kirk, Spock kind of just lost it… I have never seen him shed a tear and he did, he roared Kahn's name and took off after him. I have never seen him so human before, when I beamed down to tell Spock that Len could save you he was nearly broken but…" Ny trailed off, casting a look towards Bones._

_"But?" I implore._

_"But the Pointy eared elf managed to break Kahn's arm and knock him out after beating him almost to death of course. Ny had to shout several times to regain his focus into reality. He lost himself to his baser Vulcan Instincts." Bones explained, causing me to frown._

_"Why would he do that?" I asked, causing Ny to shake her head. Neither she nor Bones answered my question._

It made me curious, his tone, and the emotion I could pick up behind it. It wasn't there before I had died; yes he was protective like any other First Officer but now it was just  _more._ Something had changed in him and I couldn't figure it out and I doubt that even Spock knew.

"Ah! Home!" I state as the familiar two story building came into view. It was old, had been in the Kirk Family for generations and when Mom finally retired from Starfleet she decided to move back into the house she and Dad shared before everything happened.

"Fascinating." Spock utters softly when we came to a stop in front of the barn where mom usually parked her car. I was also glad to see that Frank wasn't home yet, or hopefully mom finally caught wind of his true character and kicked him out.

"JIMMY!" Mom yells, the door flying open and banging on the wall as she races down, wiping her hands on the apron around her waist. In seconds she's yanking me down to her height and pulling me into a fierce hug, letting go with an apologizing look at my groan of pain.

"Hey Ma, we're earlier than expected. Mom, this is Spock, the finest First Officer I could ever ask for. Spock this is my mom, Winona." I gestured, a smirk pulling at my lips as Mom raised her hand quickly with a perfect Ta'al in greeting. Spock raised his brows slightly in surprise before greeting her back; I couldn't help but grin wider. I am sure he was surprised, those unsure of Vulcan customs usually went for a handshake or some form of physical contact.

"I hope you boys are hungry, I was getting started on dinner. I made your favorite dessert Jimmy, oh, and don't worry Spock, I made Plomeek soup for you along with a salad. Now let's get you inside and settled, Jimmy you can give Spock George's old room." She yells over her shoulder as she made her way back inside. I give her a salute before lifting my bag out of the trunk along with Spock's.

"Mom was stationed on Vulcan a few years ago for five months to learn about the Culture along with your Science… anyway, you can have Sam's old room for your stay." I state as I led him inside.

The house was filled with the smell of Mom's cooking, actual cooking and not replicated in any way, it was the one thing I missed out in space; a home cooked meal. There were no images of my father, they had all been locked away in the attic when Mom remarried the filth she was with now and there were a very rare few images of us.

"Fascinating." Spock states, drawing my attention back to the old sextant that was my great-something grandfather's.

"I can show it to you later if you want, tonight maybe if we have time." I tell him, he raised his brows in surprise but nodded before following me up the stairs; stopping at the first door.

"Here you are." I tell him, opening the door and revealing the bare room. It had a desk, bed and a dresser but not much else. It has been bare for a very long time after all, in fact the last time Sammy had been in this room was when I had been born.

"Thank you, Captain." He replies stepping into the room, brushing past me with bare inches. It took everything within me to not move forward, to not brush up against him and soak in the… whoa, whoa,  _whoa where were THESE thoughts coming from?_

_Yes, I knew I was attracted to both sexes but SPOCK, Spock my first officer? My very much taken first officer?_

"Are you okay Captain? You seem a little pale, maybe you should rest before Doctor McCoy call…" The sound of the Video Phone blaring through the air caused me to snort and look at the time.

"Don't worry, seems he is early." I state while walking into my room, shouting to Mom it was for me and not to worry before answering.

 _"Jim, well you made it there in one piece I see."_  Bones grouches, looking at me with his usual scowl.

"Bones!" I cheer causing his scowl to deepen.

 _"I told you not to go to the ship, I told you to stay in that chair."_  He scowls causing me to sigh.

"Yes, and I saw you sent Chekov and Sulu to spy on us when you left, knowing if I were to see them  _of course_ I would ignore you." I point out, smirking when I saw a faint blush cover his cheeks.

 _"Well yes_ … UNCLE JIM _!"_ I felt my smile widen as a little blonde beauty popped onto the screen causing her daddy to grunt.

"Well hello there, and what is a pretty little princess like you doing with that grouch?" I tease, causing her to giggle as she straightens her crown.

 _"We were playing Dragons and Princess! Daddy is the dragon of course!"_  She giggles causing me to burst out in laughter as she holds up the plastic dragon mask.

 _"Jo, go clean up so we can leave for ice cream. Say goodbye to Uncle Jimmy."_ Bones instructs causing the pout she had placed on her face to morph into a big grin as she ran to do just that.

 _"So where is that pointy eared elf?"_  He asks just as Spock stepped to my side, again it took everything in my power to not react to his body heat.

"I am right here Doctor McCoy, I was just preparing everything." He replies before the familiar click and hiss of a hypospray filled my ears.

"Fu… Fudge!" I managed to correct as I saw Jo pop up in the background. My hand rubbing the area where Spock jabbed me with the spray, casting him a slight glare as the pain began to lessen.

A loud bang downstairs caught my attention causing my mock scowl to deepen. Turning back to Bones I apologized and signed off before standing, my back rigid as I heard Frank.

"Ready to meet  _Frank_?" I utter distastefully to Spock who hadn't looked away from the door with piercing eyes.

"Yes, captain."

* * *

**Author Note: God I hate Frank or well the JJ Abrams and fanfiction Frank lol.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Kirk POV**

As soon as I rounded the corner in the kitchen I knew that this was going to be a long night. My mother was busying herself around the kitchen while Frank watched her with a critical eye, all the while complimenting her on her work. When Mom finally left the room to arrange the seating and set up the table, I made myself known.

"Frank. I see you're still here." I chirp causing the asshole to turn and cast me a quick glare before smiling wide.

"There is the famous Captain Kirk! It's good to see you boy…" He trailed off, stopping with a twitch as Spock caught his arm from touching me. Frank wincing slightly as I saw Spock's hand clench quickly before dropping the arm.

"I would ask you not to touch the Captain, he is still recovering from several wounds. It would also mean that you would be arrested by Starfleet and put on trial for your… intentional harm toward Captain Kirk." Spock lies, causing my brows to go up and a smirk to pull at my lips as Frank began to splutter.

"Had to bring backup did you  _Jimmy,_ as usual, couldn't fight your own battles always had to have someone help you." He spits out with a glare, making me smirk.

"If I remember the last time I saw you, I managed to break a few things. What did you have to tell Mom again, oh, that you had an accident at work because we all know she would never believe her son could do such a thing to you." I whisper back, my smile still wide as my eyes track my mother's movements.

"Hear my words,  _Frank;_ I'm going to prove to my mother how much of a  _loving_ husband and so called  _father_ you really are." I threaten before slapping him on the shoulder hard, causing him to wince.

"Boys, dinner is ready!" Mom yells from the dining room, my smile growing wider as I gesture to Spock to follow me.

The dining room used to be connected to the kitchen but we had built in a wall to have it separated, of course it wasn't really a wall, we actually just built in a kitchen island into a wall with sliding doors across the top to block it out. Everything in this house was old school so to speak, besides the fridge and the security along with the Vid Phones.

"Uh, where is the meat?" Frank asked causing Mom to sigh and me to smirk.

"We are having vegetarian lasagna and all the sides, Frank, I told you this when Jimmy told me he was inviting Spock to come home with him. I wanted to give him a warm welcome." She states while dishing out the food, completely missing the angry scowl Frank sent her or the way I replied with one just as ferocious.

"I thank thee for the hospitality." Spock replies, causing Mom to shake her head and brush it off.

"It is okay dear, we – Jimmy and I – eat this as well, after all there isn't much that boy can eat without being allergic to it." She teased, causing me to snort before shoveling a piece of lasagna in my mouth to stop the reply threatening to spill out.

The rest of the dinner passed in relative silence, only making a few comments here and there while Frank and I stared each other down when mom wasn't looking.

I could feel Spock stiffen whenever Frank's eyes shifted over to him, a sneer on his face as he struggled to eat the food. After all, I knew for a fact the fucker didn't eat anything remotely healthy when Mom wasn't around to make him. I still honestly don't know what she sees in him.

"Thanks for dinner, Mom." I state, picking up mine and Spock's empty plates once we were done and taking them into the kitchen to clean.

"I too give my thanks." Spock echoes, making her smile.

"No need, you may go and meditate if you wish dear. Don't worry about clean up, I can do that, go sit down and rest." She finishes, almost shoving me away from the sink.

I cast her a long look causing her to smile and shoo me out into the lounge where Frank now resides with his beer. There was no way I was sitting in here with him without wanting to punch him in the face for all the shit he has done and is still doing.

With a scowl I decide to go out to the barn, at least there I won't have any problem and maybe I could do something without having someone breathing down my neck constantly. Not that I didn't understand, but it can be overwhelming constantly being babied and watched. I was a Starfleet Captain for Christ sake, the Starfleet Captain of the USS Enterprise and had saved the earth  _twice_ now.

Letting a sigh escape my lips, I make my way to the barn, breathing in the night air. It wasn't the smell of home; the smell of home would be the crisp recycled air of the Enterprise, not the Iowa farmland. I had been on this damn planet too long; I was missing my home amongst the stars.

The ladder to the hay loft groaned under my weight and I waited, waited to see if it could carry my weight before continuing to the top, my body sagging in relief as my little hay bed and blanket near the window still remained from my last visit. It was my resting place, my thinking place where I could lay and look out to the stars.

"I'm thinking that it may be too much." I say out into the night, "I am wondering if the pain is worth it all…" I trail off knowing my answer, yes; it will always be worth it to save my crew, my family.

Even now when the pain absolutely riddled my body, pushing past the shields I had pushed up to keep it from showing. I could still feel the ghost pain of the radiation eating away my cells, the way my lungs began to tighten and rasp with each breath.

"I didn't want to join Starfleet, you know?" I ask as I hear the heavy footfalls of my First Officer, before he began to climb the ladder.

"I am aware." He replied before moving to my side, jabbing me in the neck with a hypo spray. The pain ebbed causing me to relax a little more. "Why did you join, if I may inquire?" Spock asked causing me to smile up at him gratefully.

He knew the story; he was Pike's science officer and command officer before mine. He would have had all the information at hand and yet he is willing to hear it from my lips to take the pain off my mind.

With a laugh I look back out to the stars. "I was drunk and talking to Ny, I was trying to get her name when Cupcake and the others of my Security beat me to living pulp in the bar till Pike stopped them. I was drowning fast in my depression, my world was bleak and I was full of hate, he dared me to join, telling me my father saved 800 lives including Mom's and mine. He dared me to do better and I – sick of being in his shadow- agreed."

_Maybe it would have been better if I stayed on earth… not cause so much…_

"Then I am glad that it happened." Spock stated slowly after a long few seconds. My eyes snapped to his in surprise, his face was set in his usual stoic mask but his eyes reflected everything and I could even feel what he was if I put my mind to it.

"I don't understand?" I reply after my shock wore off, causing his eyes to flicker to mine. A slight twitch of his lips, indicating his usual quick smile when I say something incredibly moronic.

"If you were not there indulging alcoholic beverages and had been, quote 'beaten to a pulp' you would not have been in Starfleet when… When my home planet was in distress, because of your human nature I am alive; the USS Enterprise crew is alive. You have saved us countless times and for that I am glad it happened." He admits, pain radiating from him at the mention of his home planet; I knew it still affected him.

"Spock? You know I am sorry about what I said on the bridge right? I know I've apologized before but… I am sorry for saying it anyway. I know you loved your mother, loved her very much and… And she knew you loved her Spock." I hesitate before resting my hand on his arm in comfort.

He tensed quickly before relaxing and accepting my comfort. It lasted a total of five seconds before he stood up, straightening his clothes.

"If you would excuse me, I am going to retire to my designated sleeping arrangements. I will see you in the morning Captain." He says stiffly before making his way back down the ladder and to the house.

Pinching my eyes shut I exhale sharply, muttering curses in my head. Sometimes maybe I should keep myself a mute, after all Bones always said I don't have a brain to mouth filter. Groaning, I slip further down into my little hay bed and let the exhaustion take me.

* * *

**Author note: ooooo!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**Spock POV**

It was illogical, him apologizing, that is what I continued to repeat in my head. He had already apologized to me for the harsh words he had spoken that day on the command deck.

And yet, this time there was true meaning behind it, behind the words he uttered. He, he was the only one to tell me that she knew I loved her. It was something the human side of me needed to hear. It was odd that he knew this; he knew what I was feeling and said something to make it better.

Only, he being the human he is, he didn't think about everything he said. How could he even suggest or think that if he hadn't joined Starfleet…

With this thought I know I can't meditate, that I wouldn't be able to relax enough to enter a meditation cycle. I cast a look around the room and see nothing of the previous owner, no trinkets or markings like I'd had in the Captain's room. It makes me slightly curious as to why, but I shake the thought off as I dress in my sleepwear and pull back the covers of the bed.

It may be hot to humans but to me it's cold, there's no place like Vulcan, even the new colony is three degrees cooler with a slight heavier density in gravity. Now the only place I could see as home was the Enterprise.

It was dark, suffocating almost. I felt my heart thud sluggishly in my side as I walked alone in the dark. Fear, all consuming fear filled me with the sensation of hopelessness and acceptance.

My hands clawed at my throat as I struggled to breathe, struggled to take in oxygen. What… what was happening? Was I dying? Is this what it felt like?

_Spock… I'm scared, Spock…_

Jim's voice rang out causing my fear to bloom into panic…. No, not this nightmare again. He is alive, hurt but alive and here close to me; he didn't perish to the radiation. Doctor McCoy had saved him, brought him back from the very clutches of death with Khan's blood.

_SPOCK!_

My eyes snap to the direction of his voice, it's muffled and afraid. It's still dark but now I can tell that the all-consuming panic with the suffocating effect was not my own.

_HELP!_

My eyes snap open again and I'm upright in my bed, with a quick movement I flick the bedding from me and am on my feet in an instant; already making my way to the Captain's room. I swing the door open foregoing knocking and take in the bare room before me.

"Jim?" I call softly, stepping further into the room, but I know he is not here. There is no indication that he had returned from the barn. The panic flares in my chest, an echo of Jim's once that I would have to address later as to why I was feeling his emotions in one of my meditative states. As of now I have other priorities than the mysterious sudden influx of the Captain's emotions.

I stride through the house, my footsteps barely making a sound on the wooden floor before making my way out into the night, shivering as the cool air hits my exposed flesh before picking up my pace to the barn.

" _No…"_

My eyes shoot up to the loft above before I'm quickly climbing the ladder and to Jim's side, my hands reaching out to him in reflex only to pause as Jim lets out a cry. I have to wake him, yet I know with him there is no measure of shielding I could do to block the emotions he's feeling. It was odd, every contact we had I could feel his emotions and a slight echo of his thoughts.

"Captain. Captain.  _Jim!"_ I call harshly trying to wake him with my voice but it was of no use. I know that the only way to wake him was to shake him awake; taking a deep breath, I build up my shields before placing my hand on his arm, my body spasming with the agony and burning pain.

"Captain, wake up! Jim, you need to awaken, it is only a nightmare." I call while shaking him; his eyes snap open, my free hand catching his arm as it flung up in defense.

His eyes shine with fear before they focus on my face, his chest heaving and through the touch on his skin I can feel his heart racing.

"Spock?" He asks, confused, his voice raspy as he tries to sit up. I release him instantly, mentally shaking off his emotions but I know it's of no use, when it comes to Captain Kirk I know that I could forget nothing.

"I was awoken to panic and realised it was coming from you, I sought you out and found you here having a nightmare." I state, making him sigh harshly, his face pulling down in a frown as he runs his hand through his hair.

"Thanks." He sighs out, lying back down with his eyes closed.

"To quote everyone including you, 'no problem'." I state, causing him to smile and look at me.

"Still Spock, normally I ride out the nightmares or wake myself up, but I couldn't this time." He admits causing me to cock my head to the side.

"I was unaware that these happened often, may I inquire what the nightmare was about?" I ask, as I notice him stiffen slightly and sigh.

"Me, dying. Ever since Kahn, I dream about my death over and over again. Sometimes, it is you who is on the other side of the glass, an older version of you so to speak, and there is nothing I can do to save you." He admits in a whisper, pain reflecting in his eyes with his words. I cock my head to the side and frown, the memory of my older self telling me the sacrifice I was to make; yet Jim took that place.

"Would you mind?" I ask, holding my hand up while gesturing to his face. "I simply wish to see if there is some transference of the mind meld you and my older self-had. Maybe what he shared or unintentionally shared has stuck and is causing me to play in your nightmares." I explain to him only he's still shaking his head no.

"I can't let you feel this Spock; I don't want to show you." He gets out, strained, his eyes looking up at me almost pleadingly. Against what I'm feeling I concede, I know from many experiences that if I were to push the subject now he would be stubborn and would never tell me; yes, the logical move is to 'leave it be', so to speak.

"Then I will leave it be for now. I shall return to my room now that you are awake and well." I state while standing, only to stop when his hand curls around my wrist, fear and hesitation filling me.

"Can... can you stay, Spock? I know I'm one to never be afraid but since waking up, since the day in the warp core chamber I... I've been afraid and you being near me, by my side I feel a little better. Please, just for tonight?" he asks, pleads.

With a nod, I pick a suitable spot near the captain and wait while he falls back asleep, more peaceful than before.

_You being near me, by my side I feel a little better._

_Sometimes, it is you who is on the other side of the glass, an older version of you…_

_Spock… Spock… Spock…_

His words and breathing echo around my mind like a soothing lullaby, calming me enough to enter a meditation cycle. I know that soon, I will need to contact my older counterpart Selik.

* * *

**Author Note: I know most stories he goes by Selek, but I had thought Selik is fitting its meaning of 'from the soul of the star'.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Kirk POV**

I shoot up as the sound of a scream reaches my ears, followed by the shattering of glass. Spock raises, his eyes narrowed as both he and I climb down the ladder and storm to the house.

"LET GO OF ME!" Mom's voice tears through the house in a furious scream. I shove the back door open with a loud bang, my hand grasping tightly around Frank's wrist, glaring down at him.

"I suggest you let go of my mother." I get out in my Captain's voice. My hand squeezes his tightly in warning as he glares deeply at my mother, letting go once he does.

"Spock, take her upstairs and make sure she is okay, then I want you back down here." I command, not having to look at him to make sure he did as I asked; I knew he would.

"Now you better tell me why the fuck you were assaulting my mother, Frank. I had thought you wouldn't lay a hand on her since she's the so called cushion in your sorry excuse of a life, isn't that what you said to me when I was younger?" I spit out, causing him to sneer at me.

"I told her to not let that fucking alien trash in here, it was bad enough that you keep coming back, but to have him in this house and with you… but she said no, the stupid woman…" He trails off, spitting on the floor near my feet.

"So because she refused to kick out  _her son_ and the man who helped  _save earth twice_  you dared to lay a hand on her!?" I ask outraged, my fists clenching as it takes everything within me not to hit him.

"THIS IS MY HOUSE!" He roars causing me to snort in laughter.

"No  _Frank,_ this isn't your house. This is  _my_ house, my  _mother's_ house as it belonged to my  _father!_ Oh no, this isn't your house at all, in fact you have no right to be here and demand anything from anyone." I state, smirking. "Actually, I reckon you just royally fucked up Frank, you see I am under a good amount of knowledge that you don't own a house anymore, it being foreclosed and all. I would like you to leave, pack your shit and leave." I snark, while watching his face go red.

I prepare my stance subtly so he doesn't realize I know he's going to attack, that way it gives me the upper hand. I shake my head as he lunges, his fist swinging into a very crude haymaker which is easily blocked, allowing me to connect my fist to his ribcage.

I feel his other hand connect to my leg making me wince in slight pain before I jerk it up, connecting with his face causing him to cry out as a crunch fills the air. I watch as he stumbles back, his hand clutching his bloody nose.

"You'll regret that you good for nothing brat!" he snarls before collapsing as Spock steps out from behind the wall and nerve pinches him. His face dark as he watches Frank collapse to the door, his hands clenching in an all too familiar rage.

"Spock, how is Mom?" I ask, forcing his eyes to snap to me, his body relaxing after a few short seconds.

"She has bruises, there was no other damage beyond that, and she said that you reached them right in time." He quotes before staring back down at the unconscious Frank. "She is calling the police now but I will be calling Starfleet to come and collect him from the local jail for attacking a Starfleet Captain." He rumbles out before making his way upstairs just as Mom comes rushing down.

Her eyes land on Frank's bloody, unconscious form and she gasps, her eyes going round as her hand flies up to her mouth. "Oh my, what happened?" She asks, causing me to sigh.

"Mom, you need to sit. What I'm going to tell you is going to be hard for the both of us." I state, gesturing to the free chair next to me.

"Mom, I know you thought Frank was a nice guy but in all honesty he isn't. He is the reason Sammy ran away and refuses to come visit, he is the reason I drove Dad's car off the edge of the cliff and got sent to… there… he beat us when we were little, I had to scavenge for food because he spent the money you sent for us on booze. We couldn't tell you because he'd beat us when you left if we tried and no one else believed us because he's such 'a nice man'." I tell her, each word getting harder and harder to say as her eyes begin to water and the blood drains from her face.

"I… why… I…" She stutters out just before the familiar sound of a siren fills the air.

With a sigh I cast a look at Mom before getting up and opening the door to the familiar face of Captain Royan and two officers by his side. Oh how I hate the officers of this town, am never able to lie to them, the robotic masks they wear connecting to the system plus the added face recognition.

"Well ain't it James Kirk, I had a feeling you were home when Winonacalled." Captain Royan drawls out, his thick southern accent something I had become well too adjusted to.

"Roy, it's not me you're here for. It'll be Frank, he had the nerve to manhandle mom, but you'll be holding him till Starfleet comes to pick him up, he will be surely answering to them for assaulting me." I reply, opening the door wide enough for him and his goons to come inside.

He raises his brows as he comes to a stop where a still unconscious Frank lay before casting me a look. He was the only one to really believe me about Frank but he had no proof and he knew that there would be major backlash upon himself and me if Frank got out.

"Take him away." He instructs and instantly his officers have him hoisted and cuffed as they carry him to the car.

"Nicely done Kirk, now stay out of trouble you hear me? I wouldn't want to arrest the man who helped save earth twice now would I?" Roy states teasingly as he walks past; clapping me on the shoulder as he does so.

I shut the door behind him before making my way upstairs to find Spock. I know mom is sort of okay, she hasn't left the spot, but a dark look now replaces the one of horror.

I pad upstairs and knock on the slightly ajar door, pushing it open ever so slowly to reveal Spock leaning on the bare table, his knuckles going a pale white and deep green.

"Are you okay Spock, I have not seen you this mad since that day on the bridge." I ask softly, causing his head to whip around and his eyes to lock on me.

"It seems… I am emotionally compromised Captain." He states, cocking his head to the side slightly causing me to sigh.

"That may be so but why, you have better control than this?" I ask, wincing as the adrenaline begins to wear off and the pain to kick back in. I feel my knees give slightly as the fatigue begins to creep in and I quickly sit on the edge of the bed. I hear soft shuffling before the familiar click of the hypospray hits my neck.

"Thanks." I sigh out before looking back up at him.

"I am sorry I wasn't there to disengage him before he had struck you. It is my duty as your Second to make sure no harm is to come to you…" I went to cut him off, only to stop when he casts me a look. "And as a friend it is my duty right now to make sure you are recovering from the accident and I have failed in that section." He finishes, standing stiffly by my side.

I flop back on the bed and clench my eyes shut before sitting back up and casting a slightly annoyed look at Spock. "Look Spock, you didn't fail, the only thing he hit was my leg and that barely hurt at all. You incapacitated him when he was about to attack again. You are doing fine, try not to brood okay, let it go. I need to go check on Mom, I left her with some hefty news and I'd better make sure she's okay." I state while standing from the bed and leaving him in the room to think.

* * *

**Author Note: OOOOO FRANK NO! HAHAHA**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**Spock POV**

I sat as soon as the captain left the room, his words still echoing in my mind even from the night before. I had failed; I could see his limp as he left, something I know he didn't notice. I had come to learn after Nero's attack that he had a very large amount of pain tolerance, something everyone but Doctor McCoy wondered about.

But he is, like most times, correct; I did incapacitate Frank when he went to attack my captain. I am still unaware how I had sensed the oncoming attack as he was obscured from my view and yet I still reached out and incapacitated him. He had been taken away by the local police and would be then claimed by Starfleet and will be in their hold till a trial, or placed directly in jail.

The sound of shuffling and smashing catches my attention and I make my way slowly out of the room and down the stairs, stopping on the last step when a bauble of some kind comes hurtling from the lounge room, smashing on the wall.

"That  _bastard_!" Winonayells, her voice filled with venom and regret.

"Mom, it's fine, settle down!" Jim replies softly, a tone I recognised when one of his own was hurt and upset, a tone he had used with me many times in private.

"Oh, Jimmy, my sweet boy… how could I have not seen? You and George, you were my babies; you so very much like your father. Oh, I am so sorry my pain over losing him caused you so much pain." She cries, causing me to wince at the volume in one part of her speech. "If I had just listened to you then Tar…"

"It's fine." Jim cuts her off, my brows rising in curiosity. "Just don't mention that place, only Bones knows because of my bunking with him."

I look for any indication of a reflective surface to see into the room. I know it's wrong of me to eavesdrop and so very much out of character for myself to do such a thing, but this topic is one that could give us more insight into the Captain.

"You haven't told Spock about it?" Winonaasks, surprise lacing her tone; making me pay more attention to the conversation. The sound of Jim sighing follows but a ruffling of fabric indicates to me he sat down.

"No, I haven't, I don't know how he will react to that particular time in my life." A frown pulls at my brows as curiosity swells in my chest.

"But how are you keeping it from him if he is your bonded?" This takes me off guard and by the shocked, choked noise from the captain it too takes him by surprise.

"Mom, he's not my bonded, he's in a well committed relationship with one of my Lieutenants; anyway I highly doubt he would be interested in me if he did bat for the same team." I know this reference, having heard it many times when I was teaching in Starfleet; yet his words set me to reeling.

I quickly turn on my feet and silently make my way back to the room, closing the door with a soft click. My thoughts racing as I went over the last few months with the captain, he thought that I was still with Nyota. No one, not even she and I had told him that we were no longer together and haven't been since the Volcano incident.

In fact, we hadn't been in a proper meaning of a relationship since before the mission, having ended it on mutual ground. She was now dating Mister Scott, albeit hesitantly and only since the time the Captain was in his coma, healing from all the damage he had taken from the radiation.

But as Winona's words echo in my mind it began to connect things together, one in which would be the reason why he and I were attuned. With this thought I make my way back down stairs, letting my presence be known.

"Spock!" Jim greets, his face brightening. "What can I do for you?"

My hands clasped behind my back as I reply. "I was wondering if I could use the vid phone in your room to contact New Vulcan to speak with Selik." I ask him, causing his smile to drop slightly.

"Sure Spock, go right ahead. When you're done I'll take you for a tour around town." He replies, still smiling as he helps clean up the destruction of the room. I give him a short nod before turning and making my way upstairs. It would be late on New Vulcan, the sun already set but it is slightly an emergency.

I close Jim's door before making my way over to the vidphone, and I am not surprised to see Selik's personal number already saved and waiting. Did he know that I would need to speak to my older self or had he spoken to him already in the short time I was away from him?

**xXx**

_"Spock, I was waiting for this, something told me you would be calling."_ Selik quipped, his eyes glittering at my slight surprise at his quick answer.

"Tomasu, it is good to see you and you are correct, I did indeed need to speak with you. I am in Riverside." I tell him, watching as his face drops.

 _"Jim is well, yes? Or is there another reason not so dire for you to be there?"_ He asks causing me to nod.

"Yes, he is but I called with a personal question to ask you." I state, making his brows rise in interest.

 _"What is it I can answer for you?"_  He asks, but I can hear the underlining warning that he forms when people ask him questions of his life.

"How did you know you were bonded with your Captain?" I ask, causing his brows to rise into his hairline, his eyes darkening ever so slightly.

 _"The bonding with my Captain and I was after he had been chosen for koon-ut-kal-if-fee and I had thought to kill him, I had bonded to him then as I had realised my feelings for him. Tell me, what made you ask this question? Have you bonded with your Captain?"_  He asks me, shaking away the memories and pain lacing his tone. Jim had always told me to never question his life, that it causes him pain and I had followed his word.

"I was woken from my slumber with sheer terror and agonizing pain; it had felt like I was suffocating. I knew then that it was Jim; I had found him in the barn where I left him. I can sense what he feels to some degree and my anger, ever since that day he perished before me, my wrath and protective nature has increased for him." I explain, causing a smile to play on his lips.

 _"Yes, Jim told me that you never left the room according to all the sources. I cannot help you with his feeling, Spock, as that is his place to tell you, but I know that what is happening between you and the Captain is that of the beginning of a bond. Now, I will leave you with this. My Jim, he was my T'hy'la."_ He finishes with a smile before closing the connection, leaving me stunned and looking at the black screen.

"T'hy'la?" I repeat in wonder before standing and making my way back downstairs.

* * *

**Author Note: Ohhh theres that 'T' word :P also for those of you who don't know what koon-ut-kal-if-fee and Tomasu means it's listed below.**

**koon-ut-kal-if-fee - a Vulcan mating ritual which literally means "marriage or challenge" and is fundamentally a wedding ceremony**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

**Kirk POV**

The second Mom snaps out of her rage she storms into the lounge, her hands grasping every little trinket the asshole ever bought her and throwing it. I've never seen her this mad, not even when I had destroyed Dad's vintage car.

"That bastard!" She yells, her voice filled with venom and regret.

"Mom it's fine, settle down!" I reply, laying my hand on her shoulder in comfort before pulling her into a hug.

"Oh, Jimmy, my sweet boy… how could I have not seen? You and George, you were my babies; you so very much like your father. Oh, I am so sorry my pain over losing him caused you so much pain." She cries out in a near wail as she pulls herself from my embrace, sniffling. "If I had just listened to you then Tar…"

"It's fine. Just don't mention that place, only Bones knows because of my bunking with him." I cut her off, my eyes darting out the door to see if Spock could hear and hoping he was still occupied in the room calming down. She casts me a look of confusion as she dries her eyes with a handkerchief she pulled from her dress pocket.

"You haven't told Spock about it?" She asks surprised. I couldn't help but sigh harshly, tiredly before sitting down on the couch.

How could I tell Spock? The only reason Bones knew about Tarsus was because he was my roommate and my physician. I didn't want to see the pity, the horror and the empty, useless apologies for something they needed not to say. Bones treated me different for a year after he found out I was one of the surviving nine of Tarsus V.

"No, I haven't, I don't know how he will react to that particular time in my life." I answer honestly, as of late; he's been acting very much more human than normal and had taken most things out of hand.

"But how are you keeping it from him if he is your bonded?" She asks, causing me to choke in surprise. I feel the blush rise to my cheeks and curse how observing she was and where I actually got that talent. There was no hiding my attraction to my Vulcan First Officer from her. Unfortunately a secret crush is all it'll ever be, he's with Uhura and as far as I know, not attracted to men.

"Mom, he's not my bonded, he's in a well-committed relationship with one of my Lieutenants; anyway I highly doubt he would be interested in me if he did bat for the same team." I state, trying to hide my disappointment but I know once again she saw right through me.

"Oh honey, it must be tough, but it was like this for me and your father too, you know. He was in a relationship when I was introduced to him by my roommate, it caused so much heartache but if it is meant to be, it is meant to be." She soothes, brushing my hair back like she did in her tender moments when I was a child.

Flashes of Selik's memory via mind meld surface, of him and his captain in a lover's embrace, the smiles and tender moments, the heated debate and chess games. It was love, friendship that would last a lifetime, Mom was indeed correct. If it is meant to be it is meant to be.

"Thanks, Mom, let me help you clean." I state, giving her a blinding smile before beginning to pick up the large chunks of porcelain and everything else. The room changed a fraction of a degree followed by a slight clearing of a throat, my eyes traveling up the long, toned body of Spock.

"Spock! What can I do for you?" I ask, hiding back the wince as I see he's back to the usual cold, Vulcan expression and usual stoic pose.

"I was wondering if I could use the vid phone in your room to contact New Vulcan to speak with Selik." He asks stiffly, causing my smile to drop ever so slightly as I ponder on his call. Will he leave, like he so wished to do at the very end of the Nero Mission? Will he blame himself for all that he has supposedly done and outcast himself from his home?

"Sure Spock, go right ahead. When you're done I'll take you for a tour around town." I reply a little forcefully, unable to hold back the wince as he strides from the room and up the stairs. The shattered porcelain falls from my hands, causing a loud clatter on the floor.

"Fuck!" I hiss as I draw back my hand to see blood pool in my palm from the stray bit of glass I had clenched onto.

"James!" Mom scolds before rushing out of the room and coming back with a medical kit, one that looked far too familiar.

 _"Bones!"_  I hiss making my mother smirk as she pulls out the skin re-generator and a bandage.

"He sent it over to me when you told me you were coming, I must say that friend of yours is a very good man and doctor." Mom states. I eye her critically as she begins to tend to my wound but I see no signs of attraction or hidden secrets with Bones.

"That he is, though he is like a mother hen. I swear, if I even sneeze he is on me like white on rice!" I exclaim, causing her to laugh.

"Yes, but you are allergic to everything, goodness, I should just place you in a plastic bubble!" She teases, I cast her a dark look, it was an old Terran movie I hated so much.

"There, all done." She states, wrapping the bandage around my hand to keep the newly knitted skin together. I cast a look at the hypo spray in the bag and then at the clock, with a deep sigh I grasp the right one and place it in my pocket just as Spock walks down the stairs, a little more relaxed than when he went up.

"Come on Spock, I'll show you the town and we can get lunch." I state, catching the keys Mom chucks my way from her pocket. Seriously, it makes me wonder why she had her keys in her pocket.

"That sounds acceptable." He states following me out the door.

* * *

**Author Note: Eep, what?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

**Kirk POV**

Besides the horrible morning the day's perfect and relaxing, the sun shining down and casting away that odd chill in the air as we drive towards town, the windows down and a little bit of Garth Brooks on the radio. I love all old Terran music, country usually what I listened to when I was home.

"Fascinating, I didn't know that you could turn everything backwards and reclaim everything." Spock states, causing me to laugh, the song was called Backwards and it was in a figurative sense.

"No Spock, it's a figurative meaning. Just don't analyse the music that way, enjoy it, and let the music speak to you." I spout out, one of the very things a friend had said to me long ago when introducing me to a new age techno beat.

I see him raise his brows before shaking his head and continuing to look out the window into the never-ending dirt land. I let the music seep in, letting my mind focus on the road and the beat instead of everything my mother has said.

Soon town comes into view; it has definitely grown from the old Terran days. What was once a main street now had grown into a large town of two thousand plus the workers who stayed here while building new ships.

The town brings forth both good and bad memories, mainly bad. I had hell growing up here, many fights, heartbreaks and beatings ever since Sammy left. Many of the kids wouldn't touch me because of him and the second he left the bullying started. I let them, after all I knew if I got in trouble my beatings with Frank were going to be worse.

I drive through the familiar roads till I come to a stop in front of Loraine's Diner, the very safe haven I'd had back then and Loraine was a mean cook. I always had my fill here and worked off my meals cleaning the tables and dishes. She was like a mother to me, her son Alex being my only friend in this hell.

"Wait till you taste Loraine's cooking, she can cook the most amazing food, that I can actually eat of course. Don't worry, she cooks Vegetarian things as well, she and her son Alex are also vegetarian and some of my very good friends." I tell Spock, excited, as I hadn't seen Loraine since I'd left for the academy, and she wasn't able to attend my Captaincy Ceremony.

"Then I am sure to enjoy both the food and meeting her." Spock replies, stepping to my side as I open the door for him to enter. Smiling as the familiar bells chime, Alex's head pops up from across the room ready to give his usual greeting.

"Well, isn't it Jimmy Kirk! MOM, JIMMY IS HERE!" He yells, causing a loud clatter from the kitchen followed by a few curses as she flies from the back and to my side, pulling me down into her arms for a crushing hug.

"Oh my Jimmy! I am so glad you are home, I heard what happened from Wy, are you okay? Let me take a look at you." She babbles out while holding me at arm's length and looking me over.

"Oh, you've gained some weight, good. OH! How rude of me, I am Loraine Lar." She blurts out as she finally sees Spock by my side, his eyes slightly wide as he takes in her features.

With a chuckle I slap him on the shoulder. "Loraine, this is my First Officer Spock, he's the finest first officer I could ask for."

"I am and have always been your first, first officer, so your statement is irrelevant." He states before facing Loraine once more and raising his hand in the ta'al for greeting.

"Peace and long life, Loraine Lar." He greets causing her to smile and copy his action.

" _Dif tor heh smusma."_ I shake my head, blinking as Vuhlkansu slips from her lips. I know she very little used it, not needing to when she and her bonded were exiled long ago for her acceptance of emotions.

"Come, come, you boys must be hungry. Oh! Silly me, making everything all complicated and weird. Alex, take a break and come see Jimmy." She croons while shuffling us towards an empty table and bustling back into the kitchen.

"Jimmy, it is good to see you again Sa-kai. I have heard about you Spock, I must thank thee for saving my friend, brother." Alex states, his arms tensing as he resists the urge to clasp Spock in his usual way of welcome.

Spock's eyes darken a little at the last phrasing before flickering between Alex and I. His body rigid in a way I knew was his slightly hostile position. It put me on edge, my eyes shooting between him and Alex now. Pain begins to bloom from my neck and chest causing me to stand as my eyes flicker to the clock.

"I'll be back," I state before making my way to the kitchen so I can get Loraine to give me this god forsaken hypo. I really hate them and I hate doing it to myself even more. I would just forget it but then if I began to be in pain Spock would go all moody Vulcan on me again about forgetting.

"Jimmy!" Lore calls happily, chopping something akin to potatoes.

Wincing, I pull out the hypo and hold it up to her. "I need you to do this." I state while gesturing to my neck. She raises her brows before placing the knife down and wiping her hands. Her eyes running over the words on the vial as she takes it from my hand.

"Jim? Why are you taking such a strong pain medication? Is there something that hasn't been spoken? Now that I notice, you are paler than normal but I had assumed it was from being in space, but I also see the almost healed wounds." She states, pushing the hypo to my neck and activating it. I cast her a grimace before placing the hypo back in my pocket.

"You know the whole incident with Kahn?" I ask, seeing her dark look.

"Yes, I have seen the news and I saw the footage of your ship falling to earth before beginning to hover once more." She replies blandly, a tone I have only heard a few times in my life since knowing her.

"The warp core of my ship had been jerked out of place so I did the only thing logical, to save my ship, my crew…" I trailed off, my eyes casting back out the kitchen door before turning back to Lore. "I climbed in and fixed it. I died in the engineering room while the chamber was decontaminating. I died with Spock by my side and I was dead for a long time till Bones had made a serum from Kahn's blood to bring me back to life. But my organs and everything else was and still is heavily radiated and is still healing, hence the strong pain medication." I finish with a wince, stepping back as her eyes darken and her face turns into that of a familiar stoic Vulcan.

"How did they capture Kahn?" She asks and I cast another look over my shoulder.

"Spock did, they wouldn't tell me the full story but Spock caught him. It is because of him I am still alive." I reply softly causing her features to soften, a spark of knowing behind her eyes.

"You care deeply for him, don't you?" She asks just as soft, causing me to laugh.

"I do, is it that obvious?" I ask making her smile and shake her head before continuing on with her cooking.

"To those close to you maybe, go back before he wonders where you are." She replies, never answering my question fully. With that I turn and leave, smiling as I see that Spock no longer seems to be hostile towards Alex.

* * *

**Author Note: *giggles* well then...**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

**Spock POV**

I was surprised as soon as I saw the slanted brows and familiar features in Loraine, she, like some, had adapted to the emotional acceptance way of life and her being here must mean she'd been exiled from Vulcan.

Even her son, much younger than I, had a full trait of his mother's genes, nothing to indicate he was half human like I. It was fascinating and yet it troubled me, the second she had spoken my native tongue and the way Alex had smiled towards Jim.

It brought feelings towards the surface I had never experienced before, even when we had sat and the words _my friend and brother_ escaped Alex's mouth in such a way.

My body stiffened and I felt my hands clench under the table as I stared the other man down, noticing the way Jim shifted uncomfortably as he looked between me and  _him._ It made my heart thud painfully in my side as I came to the thought, did he have romantic feelings towards this boy? Were they intended, did Jim already have a bond with him?

It was logical, the boy before me could embrace his emotions without a worry of being criticized and could share them with Jim much easier than I. But it made me furious, a feeling I knew all too well, and I could sense Alex's confusion as I stared him down.

Jim was  _mine…_

"I'll be back," Jim states before abruptly standing and making his way towards the kitchen, my eyes never leaving Alex's, causing the boy to sigh.

I don't utter a word, I don't move, I wait for him to make a move and if it came down to it I would challenge him for Jim. I had been through too much to lose him, I can't lose him and after what Salik had told me, I had accepted it. It was the truth after all, and how I could not see that he, Jim, was my T'hy'la I would never understand.

"Speak your mind Spock; you'll upset him if we do not get along." Alex sighs out, tussling his hair with his hand.

"Are you and Jim bonded?" I ask stiffly causing the boy to smile and let out a laugh.

"No Spock, is that why you were glaring at… oh..." He trails off as realisation flickers across his face. "You care for Jimmy; my words' structure meant no ill offence or wrong thoughts Spock. He is nothing but that, a brother and a friend. But I must ask, what if we were bonded?" Alex asks, causing me to stiffen more, my ears burning and my lip twitching in a slight snarl at the thought, making him smile.

"I would have invoked my right to kal-if-fee for your bonding with Jim." I grit out causing his smile to widen, I don't see the logic behind his smile or understand why it grows, a laugh bordering his lips.

"I am glad then that he has found someone to care deeply for him. I know him, I know his reputation. Worry not Spock, I have bonded with another, a woman she is my love. Tell me, what is he to you?" He asks, causing me to relax ever so slightly at the words before sighing. My eyes flick towards the doorway Jim had exited through before looking back at Alex.

"He is my friend, brother, lover. My T'hy'la." I reply for his ears only to hear, his eyes go wide.

"Does he know?" He asks, causing me to shake my head in the negative.

"He does not feel the same way, he is after all as a friend of ours has said, 'a ladies man'." I supply, making him frown and open his mouth in reply, then shutting it as Jim comes back to the table, a fresh mark on his neck catching my eyes.

"Don't." He states as he takes his seat once again, piercing me with a warning look.

"So how is that woman of yours Alex, I bet she still keeps you on your toes." Jim asks, stretching a little, his leg making contact with mine under the table. I can feel his content and slight pain, but the pain begins to lessen just as quick, from the look on his face I know his leg resting on mine was something he hadn't registered on doing so.

"She does, we're expecting a little girl come May." He replies causing me to stiffen slightly, many memories of my childhood coming forth.

Jim casts me a look before smiling at Alex, "That's great! I cannot wait to meet my niece to be."

I can't reply, flashbacks of the other children from my youth and their teasing, other full blooded Vulcans seeing my mother's and my heritage as a disadvantage. The constant battle between both sides of my nature, the want and need to express emotion and then the Vulcan practices of controlling and dampening those urges.

"Is he alright?" the sound of Loraine's voice bringing me back from the brink of memories as she places M'lu in front of me with kreyla bread.

"I am well, it is just the topic brought back many unpleasant memories of my youth." I state, picking up the knife and fork gingerly. I don't dare look up at them as I begin to cut the bread, but I can feel their stares, their burning curiosity.

"His mother was human." Jim supplies, causing someone to gasp, I'm unsure who but I dare not look to feed my curiosity. He changes the subject quickly after and I silently send my thanks to Jim while I finish my lunch. It was a decent meal, a home cooked Vulcan meal I hadn't had since my last visit with my mother when she and Father had come to Earth for business.

It made me miss her.

"So, what are your plans this afternoon?" Alex asks, catching my attention and I turn my eyes to Jim who just shrugs.

"I wanted to show Spock around town and what-not, I can't do much 'cause of… well, your mom will explain…" He trails off in a grimace and I turn away, flashes of his fear filled face behind the half inch glass surfacing.

"Okay, but make sure you come back and visit before you leave town, Mila wishes to see you again." Alex states before looking up as the door opens. "Work to be done, see you around."

He's gone and my eyes flickers back to Jim as he stares at me with something I can't read in his eyes.

"I should have told you, I know seeing them had taken you off guard and even more so with Alex and his bonded and their news." He offers, apology written across his face. I feel my lip twitch, enough for him to see and ease him.

* * *

**Authors Note: Did you expect I would write someone to stand in their way? Nahhh, but poor Spock..**

**TDFS**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

**Jim POV**

I was nervous, nervous and cursing myself at lunch. I should have warned Spock about Loraine and Alex on top of the fact that he was bonded to a human. I saw the hurt, the memories of his youth flash across his eyes and in my mind as I recalled every story he told me.

But it would not be like that here and I think that may have hurt him in some way.

And now to the nervous part of me, it began to eat away as we drove towards the Quarry, the very quarry in which I had destroyed my father's car. Many people knew, but not many people have seen the very depth of the quarry and the truth. I just thought after everything, Spock had earned the right to have that little piece of me.

I could feel Spock's curiosity escalating when he tried to start several conversations since we'd left town only to stop when I didn't reply, going so far as to even bring up every day mundane things like colours.

The familiar gates of the Quarry came into view and I felt my stomach drop, my palms sweat. Sure, dropping a hundred plus feet onto a small platform, negotiation with ambassadors, various medical procedures I was fine, not a sweat or nervous feeling in sight, but this quarry?

"We're here." I state, pulling to a stop a safe enough distance away from the edge before getting out of the car.

It had been long shut down, the mine going dry and I'm sure some of the debris of the car lay buried somewhere at the bottom where the rocks and dust over the years had buried them.

"May I ask where here is?" Spock voices, coming to my side, closer than he normally would and it sets my senses on edge.

"This is where I drove my father's car over the cliff. As you know the story, I am sure you've heard it before, but it was only the half-truth." I state, keeping my eyes glued on the crack formed in the earth.

"I do not understand." Spock words slowly, causing me to sigh and cast him a look.

"You know that I did it to piss Frank off, but I intended to stay in that car as it went over." I replied, waiting as it sunk in. A sharp inhale was all I heard as I feel Spock's form spin to face me.

"Explain!" He demands making me to sigh and lean back on the hood of the car.

"I was intending to stay in that car, I wanted to die. Sam left me, he couldn't stand it here and I couldn't stand being beaten up every day. I was miserable and I thought that taking that route would free me from it all." I explain, looking up at him, holding back a frown when I see his displeasure so openly viewable.

"What made you jump out then?" He asks after a short moment causing me to shrug.

"I'm unsure, I just got this feeling it was the wrong thing to do, that I had something to live for and I jumped…  _was I wrong…"_ I mutter at the end, almost a breathless whisper as the incidents of Tarsus V came to mind.

"Then I am glad Jim, I am also glad that you shared this with me, but may I ask why?" he asks, as I sigh and scratch the back of my neck.

_Because I love you… because you are the constant rock in this hell storm… you're always there for me… even when I was dying… you are my friend…_

"Because, just… I thought you had the right to know after everything you had been through." I state, changing what I wanted to say and mentally kicking myself. "You are my friend Spock, you had the right to know, and after all, I know plenty about you."

Scratching the back of my neck once more, "Plus I feel bad for keeping you with me during shore leave; I'm sure you and Uhura had plans together." I finish awkwardly and I can't help but frown as his lips twitch indicating his amusement.

"What's so funny?" I ask, somewhat defensively.

"Lieutenant Uhura and I are no longer in a romantic relationship; she is currently dating Mister Scott since _the_   _incident."_  He trails off matter of fact, only tensing asthe mention of the accident leading to my death was mentioned.

Though this sure as hell shocks me and pleases me to no end, it shocks me because I was sure I saw them share a personal moment when everything happened and again after I woke up. Pleased because now I no longer feel guilt over my feelings for him and if I so desired could…

_No Kirk, he is not interested in you…_

"Oh, wow, I'm sorry to hear Spock. I had thought you two were happy together with all things considering." I state, this time it is his turn to sigh.

"It may have seemed so, and Nyota and I were evenly matched in intellectual conversations and she was indeed aesthetically pleasing but there was no connection when melding and that was the downfall, so to speak. As you know, all Vulcan's need to have that telepathic connection to be uh…" he trailed off, a light green blush tinting his cheeks.

"Aroused? I know Spock, I understand." I state and in reality I knew that, somehow, deep down.

He clears his throat while the blush darkens. "Yes, without that connection I, uh, cannot stay aroused."

I choose not to say more, I know how much telling me these things were difficult and that the only reason he was probably telling me is because of what I'd told him. It was hard for him to talk about it, that and necessarily I knew it was rare for any Vulcan to discuss their sex life or any form of romantic life.

"Let's head back, see how Mom is." I state, hopping up. The second my body's upright my legs give out, my hands flinging outward only to stop when a strong hand grasps mine and yanks me backwards, my back becoming flush with warmth.

Surprise, shock, fear and so much more rush forward through me and suddenly it's gone like that and I find myself leaning against the car once again, Spock's hand still clasped around mine.

"I think it is wise that we indeed head back so you can rest, I believe you are still not recovered enough for adventures such as these." He explains, his voice soft but his face set.

Clearing my throat I let go of his hand, my fingers brushing against his before slowly making my way to the car door, my fingers and hand still warm where his were placed.

The drive back home is awkward, not tense, just awkward. I know that our hands touching this time means something important and yet, I can't remember. My brain is a haze as the familiar blue and red lights of the police and ambulance come into view as we get closer to the house.

I feel my world tilt as I come to a screeching stop, my door flung open as I take to a run towards the house. "MOM!" I yell, pushing my way through the police and other authority people towards her.

"Jimmy…" She sighed, giving me a painful wince as the medic begins to fix up the cuts on her face and arms, along with bruises, while another bandages her hand.

"Who did this?" I demand, the hysterical shock gone and replaced with what my crew call The Captain Façade.

Her eyes darken as she looks at Spock behind me before looking at me. "Frank." She states before glaring at two people off to the left. My eyes snap to the familiar grey of Starfleet, before straightening and making my way to them.

They were supposed to make sure he got transferred to their holding cells so he wouldn't escape, or worse, someone  _helped_  him escape.

* * *

**Author note: Uh hm… some loving and some angst?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**Spock POV**

I could feel the near all-consuming rage from Jim as soon as he spotted the Starfleet officials. His stride swift and in mere four steps he was in front of them, a miraculous thing as it was nearly eight steps to where they stood normally.

"What happened may I inquire?" I ask Winona, causing her to grimace, a familiar trait that is shared with her son.

"About an hour after you left he returned, mad as anything. I threatened to call the police because I knew you had spoken to Starfleet and there was no way that they or Roy would let him go. He said someone helped him escape, a  _Starfleet_ officer he knew helped him when they picked him up and he came back here…" She trails off looking down at herself, but I can see the fear in her eyes that lay beyond the fire that was consistent in Jim's when he was furious.

"He screamed at me because I let him be taken away, that I let you stay here, many things Spock. He grew furious as he took in the mess of the house, all the  _valuable_ things he had bought me." She spits out, making me flinch ever so slightly.

"HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?" My eyes snap to Jim instantly before striding over and placing my hand on his shoulder to calm him.

"Captain Kirk, he was secured and was mid transportation when things went wrong, we have footage that leads us to believe a Starfleet Officer was involved with his escape." One explains, holding out a pad towards the captain, my eyes catching a glimpse of the image and I snatch it away quickly before he can see.

"Captain, I will deal with this, you need to go see your mother and ask what happened." I state, a warning in my tone indicating that he would not like what he would see.

"Yes, I will leave Spock to deal with this for now, but don't expect that I'm finished with you yet." He snarls before turning on his foot and striding back to his mother.

"The man you are looking for is Lieutenant Hendorff, he is our head security officer aboard the USS Enterprise. He and the Captain had a falling out during the beginning of his cadet training and then during the Nero incident. I do believe he was staying at the academy for his shore leave." I inform while bringing up the information that they need.

"He is one of your crew?" The other officer asks, surprised. I nod sharply indicating my reply while looking back over at Jim who was red in the face with fury as his mother spoke.

"We wish to be there when you interrogate him, by Starfleet code the captain of said offender must be present. I will make sure he is secured and cannot pass me if that is what you wish." I continue as one opens their mouth to speak. They snap their mouth shut as I raise my brows at them to question it.

"Then we shall contact you when we have found and detained Lieutenant Hendorff, Commander Spock." I give my nod in reply before turning and gesturing them off the porch while indicating to Jim to stay put.

To others it would seem he wouldn't be a fit captain, me directing him on how he should act and giving him orders when I am only a commander in his rank, but as of right now I am more his friend than his First Officer. I know that if he were to explode once again then he would surely be written up and reported for offence no matter if he harmed them or not.

I wait until everyone has left and we have found a seat inside before uttering the mention of Lieutenant Hendorff as the suspect of helping Frank free from containment.

"Jimmy, stop, I am okay. Just a little achy and bruised, I am fine." Winonastresses as she begins her ascent to her room.

"Just shout if you need me, okay?" He replies softly, tipping his head softly as she places a kiss upon his forehead, causing a memory of my own mother doing the same thing when I was a child.

With a sigh Jim turns to face me, his face grim and tired. "Tell me the bad news, Spock."

I hesitate, clasping my hands behind my back and readying myself for the onslaught of anger that the Captain-  _Jim_  would surely have at the news.

"It seems that the person who helped Frank escape was Lieutenant Hendorff." I state, watching in marvel as always as his body turns rigid and his eyes harden into steel.

"Cupcake? Someone from my  _own crew_ did this?  _Under my nose?"_ he grits out through clenched teeth. I give him a short nod and instantly follow him as he storms outside and to the barn. He doesn't utter a word till he reaches the doors before his fist swings out and connects with a beam. A cry, no, something more of a roar escapes his lips before he buckles.

"Jim!" I cry out in shock as I rush forward, catching him mere inches from the ground. I turn him over before laying him against a pile of hay; his eyes wide and unseeing. Worry pulses through me before I place my hands on his, worry turning into fear as nothing flickers through the connection.

With minor hesitance I press my fingers into the psi points on his face to begin a meld. I was uncertain, much so, would he forgive me for doing something that was this personal? That technically was against Vulcan law to do without the others' willing consent? There were dangers to a meld, besides that of a bonding if done incorrect, nervous systems could shut down.

But I can not let him die once again and in this very second I am unsure on what went wrong here.

I can not lose him. Not again.

I can not lose my T'hy'la.

And to that thought I make my decision and press my fingers a little firmer on his points and close my eyes.

"My mind your mind…"

* * *

**Author Note: OHHHH!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

**Jim POV**

I lay on the roof, the cool breeze blowing across my heated flesh. I don't know how I got here or why but I know it's only temporary. As much as I enjoy the relaxation of Iowa's night breeze and the stars, the way that everything seemed to be perfect in this very moment, I know it couldn't last.

I can smell the scent of Mom's caramel slice baking, her laughter pouring from the open window with it as she watches some old comedy show.

I couldn't remember the last time she had been this happy and for once I was glad.

"Jimmy, you come down soon okay, George will be here soon and you need to wash up!" She yells, exasperated, causing me to laugh.

Shaking my head I lean back against the roof once again, making a mental note to get it fixed and sigh happily.

"Jim?" Spock's voice catches my attention; it's odd, like it was carried with the wind. With a look around I can't see the body that came with the voice, shrugging, I lay back down and close my eyes, frowning as warmth begins to fill me.

My eyes shoot open the instant the light blares through my closed lids to see that what once was a starry night sky was now bright daylight.

"Jim." This time the voice is stronger, my eyes snapping to his instantly as he stands three feet away on the edge of the roof.

"Jesus Spock! Come closer, away from the edge! You could fall and get hurt or die and Bones will kill me for being on the roof and I'll hate me for you being hurt for coming up here to get my ass for dinner." I blurt out, causing him to frown and look around.

"Jim, I cannot be hurt here unless you will it." He speaks, making me frown in return.

"What?" I ask, as he sighs and moves closer.

"Jim, what's the last thing you remember?" He asks me seriously. My frown deepens before flashes of the barn surround me; the words Spock informed me of swirling around with it along with the sensation of rage before... nothing.

"Where are we then?" I ask, causing him to open his mouth and shut it with a click, a very human thing to do and something I have never seen Spock do, let alone blush as he was currently doing.

"You were unresponsive to light telepathy so I melded with you. I apologize for using such an invading technique but I could not lose you, not again." He informs me, fear swirling around us that I know was his with a sense of longing, affection.

"Spock, you didn't lose me, you, Uhura and Bones saved me. Plus, I'm not gone now, I'm still here; I'm okay." I joke, giving him a smile, only faltering as I see the same look on his face of that of the day in engineering.

 _"_ _Jim_ you are not okay, you collapsed in the barn and had no response to light telepathy. You  _collapsed_ Jim and were  _unresponsive,_ I thought I lost you." He stresses, all signs of his usual Vulcan self gone.

I hear the words but I don't know if they are real or if they are just a figment of my imagination. I was sure that he wouldn't care for me beyond that of a friendship and sometimes then I wondered.

"You do not believe me." He continues, I knew it was a statement, and not a question.

Suddenly I'm standing in a large yard on Vulcan, how I know it's Vulcan I do not know but I do. The red rock, the blasting heat, that seems not to affect me but it's the woman gardening in the corner that I know from the one image I had seen of Spock's mother.

Then suddenly I'm seeing myself through Spock's eyes from Nero's incident, my words and their effect. Followed by events of the missions afterward, always centered on me.

Then it's the thoughts of when he was in a volcano, my voice echoing across the line. I see him arch back, accepting that he was to die.

_I'm sorry Jim…_

Pain and shock, surprised shock with relief as I rush into the room, asking if he was okay. I knew that instant, I remembered the look on his face and the image, the soft cloud of my memory sided with his, giving him my view and emotions.

I brought up the memory of the report before us, shoving away that memory and showing him the emotions of betrayal and suffocating grief as I read that I was demoted.

"I'm sorry Jim." He whispers and I shake my head before looking up as confusion flooded me when he brought up the memory of me telling him the news.

_I'm sorry Jim…_

_"_ _Do you understand why I went back for you?"_ I saw the hurt in my eyes that I didn't know I portrayed, but I could hear and feel all he did in that moment. Shock, confusion, guilt…

_Because I am your friend… because you care…_

" _The truth is…_   _I'm gonna miss you…"_

_Say something, Spock. It is required, but does he mean that? Could he indeed care for me like I do for him?_

_I'm sorry Jim…_ that thought near broke me as I watched me walk away, angry.

He fast forwards through the memories enough for me to catch them, but not long enough to soak them in. Jealousy as Carol flirted with me and sat between us, his fury over trusting Kahn, worry and fear as I jumped from the space hatch, his fear as he saw me in the hands of Kahn, Scotty's voice over the coms after I knew when I fixed the warp core.

 _There are no such things as miracles…_ Jim...

_Please, I beg of thee who can hear to not let this be true. It was I who should make that risk, not him, please let it be wrong. Please, let him be somewhere else on this ship than in engineering._

All I could hear was the sound of Spock's racing heart pumping in my ears as fear clenched in my chest as I watched through Spock's eyes of his running to engineering and then I was staring at myself dying in the warp core tube.

My chest heaved at the emotions of grief and realization.

_No!_

_"_ _Do you know why I went back for you?"_

_Yes… "Because I am your friend."_

I watched as I died from Spock's view, collapsed to my knees as I felt the grief, the rippling of pain in my heart and head from something unknown and could not explain as Kahn's name spewed from both his and my lips as rage so powerful made my world, my mind, tilt…

"Do you know what I am trying to say, Jim?" Spock asks as the emotion was ripped away and replaced with warmth, we were once again back on my roof but this time a part of Vulcan was mixed in.

"It seems no matter how… that I've come to realize, that many have seen but… I can't lose you again… You are my friend, brother, lover… My T'hy'la." He begins to explain.

I stared, a smile pulling on my lips as his words flew from his mouth in a jumble, but his meaning was clear. It also brought clarity to my own thoughts. I knew what that meaning meant and there were no words to describe how happy I was. Reaching forward I grasped his hand in mine before running my two fingers over his, sending him my love in return.

There was no need for words.

* * *

**Author Note: This is it Folks! There will be a sequel later on so don't worry! But mwahahaha ultimate cliffy yes? I hope you enjoyed!**

**DON'T KILL ME!**


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